Bex had recently wrote a short story and shared it with me. I thought it was a lovely story that had a lot of meaning, and I found I could picture the story in my mind as she read it out loud. Here it is below:
There was a scrawny snarling Grey wolf called Grey, with piercing dark eyes who skulked around the barren rocks day and night seeking out prey and those who stood in his way. His life growing up was lived in amongst these cold rocks, he was taught to snarl and snatch and claw at any passers-by. He was taught that to survive and thrive he had to survey over anything living that came his way and either avoid it or destroy it. He had a Mum wolf and a Dad wolf, and a Brother wolf called Shadow. His mum had died of mange and he had watched her grow thin and wiry and sad. His dad was thin too, full of ribs and black scars that cracked open when he ran. Grey’s Dad had left Grey and Shadow at a young age to go off and survey the land elsewhere as men wolves were not supposed to buddy up, they were supposed to be the Kings of their own rocks in order to cast out their wolf name as far and wide as possible. Not before the Dad wolf left, he forced Grey and Shadow to fight each other daily and they received food and bird carcasses if they won the fight. Winning was everything to this wolf family, no matter the cost. Shadow scarred Greys body many, many times as he was huge. Grey had broken ribs and when he was beaten by his brother his Dad would bite him and nip his ear teaching him he was useless and weak. Grey had ripped ears and a broken tail.
One day Grey couldn’t take one more claw in his side or face from Shadow and he saw an opportunity to get rid of Shadow for good. Shadow was sleeping on the edge of the rocks and Grey snuck up and used his snout and paws to push him off the side. Shadow never got up to fight again.
After this happened Grey felt a new sensation stirring. He felt a feeling that felt different to the cold, hard, slabbed rock feeling he was used to inside his heart. He didn’t know what this feeling was, but it was new and uncomfortable. He ran, and he ran as far as he could to try and shake it off. He ran straight into a small forest he had never seen before and saw a load of rabbit’s scatter like wildfire before him. Usually he would eat as many of these rabbits as he could, but as he reached his teeth out to bite, he caught the eyes of his prey and he could no longer sink his teeth into it. He paused and with that moment’s hesitation from Grey, the rabbit leapt away to freedom.
Out of the darkness in the forest clearing a large White wolf slowly appeared before Grey accompanied by a beautiful smaller White wolf. These wolves were unlike any other wolf Grey had ever seen before. They had big bright eyes and soft silky fur, not the mangey thin fur like Grey and his family had. They had no interest in the rabbits at all but instead they came right up to Grey. For some reason Grey felt how non-threatening they were so for once in his life he didn’t attack straight away, but he had his heckle up and his paws were on tip toes ready to charge. He bore his teeth and dipped low ready to pounce, his mouth quivering baring fangs where dried flesh hung. The two White wolves slowly and assuredly kept coming towards Grey. Grey was at a loss as to what to do, they moved so gracefully and had no heckles up and were not baring a single tooth. Suddenly the two White wolves were right up next to Grey, and before Grey could slash his paw against one of their ribs, both of the White wolves rubbed their soft noses against Greys face. Their coats were just so soft, Grey had never experience nuzzles let alone ever felt soft fur before. Both the White wolves placed one paw each on his neck and gave him a gentle hug which was the strangest, most arresting thing Grey had ever experienced. Grey’s dark eyes felt stingy and suddenly liquid was pouring out of his eyes and snout. Grey felt warmth wash all over the inside of his body and it felt like the warmest liquid Gold beauty he had ever felt. Grey was so overwhelmed and exhausted from living his whole life being constantly ready to attack or be attacked. Suddenly his legs buckled. Grey was on the forest floor sobbing and confused while the two White wolves kept their soft paws on him. When Grey looked up he saw the two White wolves nuzzling each other over him, he had never seen a man wolf treat a lady wolf like that. They seemed to be equals and seemed to be so in love. He had only ever seen his Dad wolf scold and scratch his Mum wolf and had only ever seen his Mum wolf snarl at his Dad wolf. As Grey sobbed he realised his muscles had been rigid and on edge his whole life. He suddenly felt like he missed his brother Shadow which made him feel new sensations that felt too much to bare. He drifted off into a deep sleep. He slept, and he slept and when he awoke his body had been moved to a beautiful soft part of the forest, onto springy soft moss and the two White Wolves were still there watching over him with care. They smiled and offered him some warm nuts and some cold fresh water.
Who were these wolves? Were they even wolves? They were so soft, so happy? They had no blood dripping from their teeth, they didn’t even eat meat?? “Pffff they must be some strange defect hippie Wolves,” Grey thought, “from that pack up the Creek that Dad wolf had once warned me of.” Grey tried to get up to leave these strange wolves, but his legs wouldn’t let him, his muscles were convulsing as they had never before relaxed as threat and danger had always been nearby. Grey and Shadow had been taught that they were never doing enough, never hunting enough prey or surveying the land enough. Grey thought it was normal to always feel you weren’t doing enough; his muscles had never known rest. As Grey struggled, the male White wolf gently spoke to him with a beautiful voice:
“There is no way to remove the barbs without more pain. Barbs by their nature become lodged and stuck; their prongs embed in the skin at different angles. The most loving thing we can do Is to ask you to lie still and allow us to remove the barbs as gently as possible. We can’t prevent the pain but if you don’t thrash and kick you won’t be injured further.” (excerpt taken from Marys blog “A fork in the road and the wounded Dog” (One of my favourite blog posts) https://mary.divinetruth.com/2011/02/28/a-fork-in-the-road-the-wounded-dog/)
“But what was this nutty wolf on about….. barbs?????” Grey thought, “I don’t have barbs in me,” Grey snarled and spat. He tried to raise his paw to scratch the White wolf but missed. The female White wolf rested her snout on the back of Greys neck and Grey felt conflicting feelings again between their warmth and his inner tumultuous war. “Fine,” snarled Grey, “what do you mean by barbs then you strange male wolf???” The White male wolf gently lay next to Grey and had a look of such deep care for Greys heart that Grey almost didn’t know where to look. He asked Grey how it felt growing up on the rocks, “it was cold and hard, it was a fight but my family, we were the best fighters in the whole of the Cavedom, we captured so many running carcasses that we had the smelliest, biggest cave full of bones and skins, far more than Brown wolfs family.”
“And how did it feel to watch your mum and dad fight?” asked White Wolf. “It was normal, Dad wolf would usually win but Mum wolf would snarl and howl into my ear which got really annoying,” replied Grey wolf.
“Ok Grey, let my wife wolf touch you and try and take the barb out that you are talking about.” The female White wolf lifted her head and gently and swiftly grabbed something stuck deep down inside his chest. As it came out, Greys body felt like it was breaking, hot sweaty howls screamed from deep within. Hot red rage clawed from his paws and dark black feelings surfaced as he realised his Mum wolf and Dad wolf could have loved each other like these two White wolves loved each other. Grey was enraged and bitter and twisted, he didn’t know a way out, the injustice was going to eat him alive. Thoughts raced through him, if they had been like these two he would have known softness, he would never have fought Shadow, they would have been best friends, he wouldn’t know fighting and sparring, he would only have known gentleness.
“What the heck!? Why did I have these parents, why have I known life on the hard rocks when I could have been on the mossy floors of the forest with wolves like these two? I didn’t even know wolves slept on Moss?!?!” Grey had had bed sores from the rocks his whole life and thought that was just what happened when one rested. Grey felt a deep crack inside his heart, he felt lost. He realised there was so much pain and as he felt the pain he shrieked and cried out. The man and lady White wolf nuzzled into his neck and softly sang a gentle hymn in perfect harmony;
We love you our little wolf of God
We know of all of your hurt and all of your loss
We pray for you and we ask our Lord
To use all that is soft to help you be restored
Grey finished howling and felt the White wolf’s warmth paint over him again. He asked them what this funny sensation was, and the wolves replied that it was the Gift of Love and that they had so much for him as did this God being they were singing about. Grey decided then that he liked these two wolves, even if they were very odd compared to what he had known wolves to be. He regretted nearly attacking them very much.
The two White wolves started talking together to Grey, they finished each other’s sentences and gentle words seemed to flow out their mouths so easily, they laughed often and Grey had never known such laughter which made him sad. They started to tell Grey that they didn’t eat carcasses and animals because all living things were created by our creator and were sacred. “What were these two on about?” thought Grey, who was brought up on a life based solely around the pursuit of hunting, killing and winning prey. The lady wolf told Grey that because he was able to kill others didn’t mean it was right and that there was another way to live. That you could live with a warmth, a softness and a joy, you could live helping others pull out their barbs where their hearts were scarred, blackened and hurting in agony. She talked about the role of responsibility we have over others who don’t have the same capacity as we do. The White wolves called over some rabbits and some birds, surprisingly the animals weren’t scared of them and talked back quite calmly. Grey learned that they all had families and lives and that they all had pain too. Grey was so confused, he thought these animals were there to serve as game, food and prey for wolves. If they had feelings like him then maybe he shouldn’t kill them, maybe they were not inferior. His mind raced back to Shadow again, his large violent brother whom he now somehow missed a great deal.
Grey looked into the large White wolves eyes and whimpered with fear, “does this mean that Shadow didn’t deserve to die when I tossed him over the rocks?” The wolf again gently rested his paw onto Greys heart and whispered, “No my brother wolf, he didn’t deserve to die, but hurt wolves hurt wolves, you were hurting because of your early years on the rocks knowing only death and destruction and so was your brother Shadow hurting. You could have both felt your pain, you could have helped each other pull each other’s barbs out instead of dig them in further, but it’s okay as you did not know another way. You were never taught to feel anything, you were taught to harden up and bare it all. But now my dear, dear brother wolf, now you can feel the sorrow you feel towards Shadow, now you can soften. God has you cradled in his arms while you feel how sorry you are.² Shadow is not gone, he has just passed over to the wolf spirit world and you can talk to him now if you want to. You see we have a creator, I call him God or Mummy or Daddy,³ he created everything with love and would love for us to learn all about this love and begin a relationship with him. God forgives us and knows about every single barb in our bodies and hearts and who put them there and why they did. God knows how is best to remove them, so we can be happy and soft again. God loves us all equally and loves our fellow animals, all the birds, the rabbits, the fish and the deer, everything. God sparks and breathes love into every inch of his creation. You were made with love and you have a great, great capacity to love Grey, you were just taught a lot of hardness in your early years. You can reverse that now and me and my wife wolf would love to show you The Way. Just have a little faith in the goodness you feel from us and some courage that what I tell you is true, and I will lead you to a place that hurts less. Don’t be hard on yourself Grey, it is very hard to imagine that soft moss exists when you have grown up in a land of only hard grey slabs of stone.
To be Continued……….
¹ Image taken from: https://ofthewolves.com/thoughts-on-being-a-lone-wolf-letter-from-otw-guest-editor/
² Quote based on “Have faith that God has you in his care” taken directly from Jesus when he talked to Catherine about feeling fear, Qn is asked 12.30 minutes in of this talk, Jesus says the above from 46 min in:
³ Quote “I saw God as my mummy or daddy” taken from Jesus explaining his early prayers 1 hour in of this talk
N.B. All of the views in this story are loosely based on my beginners understanding of the teachings of Divine Truth as taught by Jesus and Mary. My understanding is rudimental and shoddy at best but all of their teachings on their youtube channel are very clear and extremely helpful for anyone who is struggling and in pain like myself.