Recently, my girlfriend Becks emailed Tristan Miller & Anna Neynens asking a series of questions concerning the incestuous relationship that was established between her and her dad during her childhood and certain demands she has had on men as a result, in the hope these guy’s experiences may be able to help both her and myself out regarding working through some current issues in our relationship, as both Becks & I are facing some similar issues in our relationship that Tris & Anna have experienced.
Gratefully, Tris & Anna offered to help out and a Skype call was arranged between us to discuss the questions Becks had asked. We recorded the entire conversation in audio form and Becks asked both Tris & Anna for their permission to share the file which they granted, in the hope that it could help someone else. We would like to thank these guys a great deal for their time and generosity in offering their assistance to us. If you would like to visit Tris & Anna’s personal website, you can do so by following the below link:
What Becks and I have decided to do is copy the entire email that Becks sent initially into this post to act as a reference and to give people an idea of what was discussed. Although the below isn’t necessary to read as the background and questions are repeated in the recording, we felt it may help people decide if they would like to listen to the audio file.
If you would like to listen to the recording, please click on the link below (opens a new browser window):
Here are a few words from Becks to anyone who reads this post, followed by her original email and questions she sent to the guys:
Hey guys, I know this is probably a very strange way to introduce myself by sharing the worst parts of me, but I hope this recording can benefit anyone else struggling with similar demand/anger issues as me.
I will experiment with the information Anna & Tristan shared and keep a record, and hopefully be back on here to share how I am finding it.
Below is the background and questions I asked Tristan and Anna:
I am 31 years old. I grew up on a farm in Scotland.
My Father doted on myself and my big sister, (she is 33) we could do no
wrong in his eyes. We still cant do any wrong. Until very recently my dad
was my hero, the perfect human. As life and his wife and the farm have
knocked the wind out of him as he’s gotten older he’s not thought of God too
much but now he has said that seeing the changes in me since believing in
God has made him not believe in God after all. Me becoming vegan has really
pissed him off too, he just thinks I’m so stupid and faddy yet still
messages me all the time and tries to call (I don’t respond) even after I
have asked for space to try and get my head around the new things that I’m
My mum and I have always had a very tempestuous relationship. She has always
been extremely quick to get in a rage, with everyone who doesn’t comply,
especially men and me. She came from a hard background and resents how
relatively easy my life was. I have always been a problem for her as I’ve
never earned much money or done what she wanted. They spent a lot on my
education, sending me to boarding school at 11 and university etc and she
was annoyed I still didn’t earn much after all that. I feel like I am a
constant failure and disappointment to her unless I become an extremely
successful lawyer or singer.
I realise now I have evaded all responsibility most of my life, never being
able to pay my own rent and always asking my parents, sometimes friends and
boyfriends. No matter how hard I work I feel like I can’t earn enough money.
I have jumped from guy to guy and had an abortion at 25 years old, which at
the time, I didn’t give much thought to. Now it plagues me every day. I
drank a bit, experimented a little with drugs but my real big addiction I
can now see was getting men’s attention.
This year Nicky and I started going out and it has been challenging and at
times wonderful. I really want to learn how to love him properly and not be
a demanding, angry b**** anymore. My family hate and blame him, Jesus and
Mary for changing me into someone they don’t approve of even though this
My Questions are:
1) If Dad’s love wasn’t love then life doesn’t feel worth living. So how do
I grow my desire to see more truth in it?
I reached a feeling that life is pointless without men making me feel good
and now I feel stuck. Is this a real feeling or just another facadey thing
Im telling myself to maintain the addiction?
2) When I visited my family for 2 weeks with Nicky, I found him less
attractive the more I felt my dad didn’t like him and I got freaked out –
is that scientific proof I’m super hooked into my dad?
I even found that certain things Jesus did at the recent Assistance Group
reminded me of Dad – is this extreme daddy issues!?
Anna after your trip to NZ you felt differently towards Tristan, how did you
work through it?
3) Jesus mentioned that angry domineering women like myself want to dominate
more than one man due to the nature of the injury. I don’t want to do that
anymore. Do I need to go down the route of feeling how
bad/powerless/hopeless I feel without having any power over men or is it
more that I don’t want to pull myself down and see myself as equal and no
more special than anyone else?
Jesus told me that the Spirits with me really want to pull mens worth down,
do I want to do that to avoid fear? Or to inflate myself and feel special?
4) This all feels incredibly unfair. I feel like I never asked or wanted to
feel like a princess and yet I have caused so much harm to others because of
wanting to always feel the most special and important. This feeling of
injustice keeps getting me angry, is this an excuse to avoid the repentance
I need to feel? I feel like people with inferior injuries get judged less by
others within the Divine Truth community and this really gets to me, have
you experienced this? How do I move past this petty feeling? Is this my
addiction to wanting to be liked?
5) I feel very confused by the laws of free will, parental oppression,
choices, character and morals. I often marvel at moral choices that Nicky
has made and felt so sad I never took a step back and self reflected and
stopped treating men like play things that could give me special feelings. I
feel mad at myself for not studying morals sooner or just thinking! Is there
a correlation between superiority injuries and high levels of oppression
from parents? My parents are incredibly more invested in me than Nicky’s
were in him, this is causing me big problems with them now.
6) If “longing is the absence of demand/ expectation and is the feeling that
what I will receive is a gift and that I’m not entitled to that gift” then I
feel screwed! Because I was given everything and appreciated nothing as a
gift. Anna how did you start to turn this around? On top of this my mum
massively grudged me for receiving so much from my Dad.
7) I feel easily betrayed and often misunderstood by everyone, especially
Nicky. Anna have you had issues with this? Is it a facade type feeling or a
8) Whilst I have incredibly big superiority issues, I also feel guilty a
lot. My mum made me feel so bad about having things and feelings from
dad/men that I feel like I have many polar things going on. Anna did you
have this? Did your mum act similarly because of the attention your dad gave
9) Because of mum stuff, I get jealous of women, especially boyfriends’ ex
partners, looking at them on social media etc. I can see how I have wanted
to feel better than women and if I’m sitting on the tube with lots of
beautiful women I want to feel better. Is this me avoiding how bad I feel
10) I cant imagine not being invested in what my parents think of me. I
still want their approval so badly and I just wish they understood what I
was trying to do or that they suddenly followed Divine Truth. How can I best
change that? I can see its a big demand of mine.
11) My sister is now being more sucked into a deeper emotional relationship
with our Dad now that I am pulling away and they talk multiple times every
day. She is in constant relationship turmoil and I’ve tried to explain
things I’ve learnt from Jesus and Mary but when our Dad is mentioned, she
goes mad at me. I worry my pulling away from Dad is causing him to focus his
addictions onto her with more intensity. Is there any way I can help her?
12) I often just want to check out or not interact with people anymore. Or
lie in bed and say “screw it all” as everything seems to end up in hurt or
hurting others. I can see that this is a problem with anger. I am very
confused by anger:
Trist: I know you mentioned responsibility stuff you were going through. Is it really just a case of feeling how much I don’t want to do it? But how does that help? I genuinely don’t get it.
Anna: you said re anger/ demands:
I realised with my demand stuff, if I feel my demand but feel entitled, I will just attract spirits and then be entitled and months go by……
BUT IF I FEEL I have to feel it, but realising that its not the way God wants it to be, and its not right” then it relieves the demand.
How do I feel this when I still feel genuinely entitled and don’t feel the truth yet? If humility is being really truthful with what you feel then don’t I just say “yeah I feel entitled, you (Nicky) should give me these feelings?”
Jesus said “be angry but admit its a problem being angry. Own the anger internally.”
Anna you said “when I feel my anger and feel its a sin, its lasted seconds and it courses through me.”
Can you explain this further? Its still my default to be angry when Nicky doesn’t meet a demand, I want to turn this around.
Jesus has mentioned that we can all get through this process with less anger if we are more humble YET I thought that we have to release a lot of anger IF we have grown up very entitled etc. Is it possible to release demands without feeling anger? In Noosa I didn’t feel much anger yet did release my grip of wanting power over Nicky a bit. Both Nicky and I are confused about the truth on this topic.
It scared me when Jesus said that feeling anger towards a person even if they are miles away still affects them, so what to do?
13) How do i work through the rebellious feeling I have towards taking personal responsibility (issues with my mum) whilst also working through superior feelings that I shouldn’t have to take responsibility but a man should do most things for me? (Dad)
14) I don’t want to get angry at my mum because Im still looking for love from her – how do I get past this?
15) How do I determine which of my parents I was more bonded to emotionally
when I was a child? If Nicky needs a domineering women sexually then I would
need a pandering man sexually (like my dad) YET I have been open sexually in
the past to an extremely domineering angry male and I don’t feel that open
sexually in general. Why is this?
16) Since Divine Truth I worry of wallowing in mum and dad blame. Have you
ever had a problem with this?