DL Stories

[ChadMontreal]

I thought it might be good to start a thread to invite anyone interested to share their experience with receiving Divine Love. Have you been able, how often, and what do you believe blocks you from receiving it more often, or at all.

I can only recall one occasion where I may have received DL and it was in about 1996. I was watching Oprah and she had John Gray (author of Men are from Mars) on who was teaching a meditation technique. Essentially you were to repeat the phrase "Oh God, my heart is open to you, please come sit in my heart" over in your mind while longing for God to enter your heart. He described that when done with the right intentions you would know you made a connection because you would begin to cry and a repressed emotion would come to the surface.

To my surprise, I did begin to cry and indeed a repressed emotion came to the surface. In fact it was one that was surprising to me and didn't truly understand why I had that emotion until years later. Of course since discovering AJ & Mary there's really no mystery. I don't recall much else except for a feeling of being overwhelmed and feeling relieved and happy for quite a while after.

When I attempt to receive DL these days, I can't seem to generate a true "longing" desire. It's almost like I don't know what longing is supposed to feel like. Perhaps I'm afraid of the addictions I would have to give up to be sincere on the path.

Who's next?

[Sage]

Hi Chad,

I thought I'd pipe in here. I believe that I have started receiving Divine Love in small and short bursts and like I keep hearing, it is only when my desire is sincere. It always overwhelms me and I always cry deeply. I have yet to gain any understanding about what is being exposed, I think this is because I shut it down by getting too intellectual and I keep reminding myself that I don't need to know, just feel. By that time I have disconnected from my emotions and have gotten into my mind, but I have faith that I will work through this too.

What I am finding is that I am being confronted with my desire to control everything and when the desire to pray for Divine Love enters me I am not being humble and instead intellectually deciding if now is a good time to cry. I know it sounds ridiculous! and it is! Why would I try to control receiving Love from God? What I am beginning to see is that I have some stuff to work out with God (more appropriately with my faulty beliefs and emotional injuries about my parents and in turn God) and learn to have more Faith in Her. This is a fascinating and exciting experiment and I look forward to clearing more and more old stuff out of my soul to make more and more room for Divine Love

Perhaps I'm afraid of the addictions I would have to give up to be sincere on the path.

I can sure relate to this! I am realizing that it is not letting go of the addictions I am truly afraid of, it is exposing the emotions and faulty beliefs that they are suppressing, as well as the fear of stepping out of my comfort zone.

Who's next?

[Niky]

Some days ago, I had an emotional experience, but they were not tears of sadness. Just an emotional desire to love more, triggered by some LoA experiences I suppose, and I think I may have received a little bit of God's Love, but not enough to be sure if it was God. Or maybe a spirit guide. In the moment, I had a feeling that I almost did not care who saw me crying. Because in that moment, it was more important than anything else in the world. I had the sense that the feeling of God's Love is so powerful, that it would give me the courage to walk through my fears, shaking, and feel love at the same time. That if anyone could feel this Love, it would change them, at least a little.

In 2008, before any spiritual seeking, I did the most grieving I had ever done, neutral about God's existence, but grieved to a point where I called out for God. I don't remember much of it now, but afterwards it was the happiest I had ever felt. The intensity of the joy matched or exceeded the intensity of the grief. The feeling came from a great Being, I thought to myself, that just this one moment made everything I had gone through worth living just for this feeling. Some time after, I was intellectual about the experience, somehow did not credit it to God, but as some kind of emotional-psychological effect of the willingness to grieve. I had no spiritual beliefs. It wasn't until I found AJ, that I thought that experience may have actually been God. I don't know for sure. Funny when I think of it, my desire to find God and spirituality increased at that time. I did not connect those dots.

[Sage]

Time for some reflection and revision. When I wrote the first reply I was uncertain if I had received Divine Love, but felt that maybe I was just being doubting. I am still uncertain if what I was feeling was from God or from my guide, but I am leaning towards from my guide. I believe I was feeling that love enter me and it was bringing up the grief of not feeling loved which has created space within me to feel Love. I have since been working sincerely (most of the time) on building my relationship with God and opening up to God's love.

I have been working on:

• being humble and trying to feel my real and not self deceptive feelings
  especially my feelings and addictions about and towards God
  Praying often
  building my Faith
  Acting in love or more accurately becoming aware of my actions in and out of harmony with Love

Today I feel I've had a break through. I can without a doubt say that I have received God's Love. It came in such a strange and sudden way. I was journalling and praying, reaffirming my growing belief that I can have Faith that what I need to focus on next will come up without me having to force it, telling God that I trusted in Her laws and am working on softening to that Faith, when this thought/feeling arose in me "I am ok the way I am". It is so cliche and obvious intellectually, but for me it sunk to the soul based level and the tears started to flow, releasing the grief of feeling and being told that I was not ok as I am. This made way for the next feeling of being Loved as I am . . . WOW! I had heard and read that when you feel God's love you know and now I can agree.

I opened up to this inflowing of emotion which at first triggered a lot of grief in me that I felt and made a conscious decision to stay with. Then this feeling of Freedom started to surround me, it was like I was finally free to be who I was, act as I was without having to please everyone else. The thought of being me was always accompanied by fear (injuries and errors passed on from my family), today it was accompanied by inspiration and excitement to feel about what I can do and become without this cloak of injuries and errors holding me in. It was at this point that I realized that it was God's Love that I was receiving, not just releasing the emotions around not feeling good enough. I always wondered how a relationship with God would really help (I knew that it would, but didn't have a framework to put it into). The sheer joy of the complex feelings I was receiving showed me the smallest glimmer of what to expect.

I was thinking about this experience and then had a thought that made me laugh "I received God's Love while drinking coffee". The laughter started small, but then bubbled up to this overwhelming laughing, crying, shaking experience. I felt this mantle of Grace settle over me, the hint of the immensity of the capacity to love, the joy of receiving this Love, the assurance of this experience, the overwhelm that bordered on feeling crazy and the softening to it all. It was truly amazing and life altering. I have felt dedicated to and inspired by The Way since I first heard it, I have been working on myself with a kind of dogged attitude, that has been softening, but today I felt how soft I can be while still growing on The Way towards God. What a gift.

I wanted to share this experience because I want to be transparent and open, and although I am scared of what feedback or responses I might receive I still want to be transparent. I also feel like it is good to hear other people's experiences.

I went through a process where I started out quite hard and hard on myself to today where I have truly felt the softening that is possible with loving God's way. In a nut shell (and not an exhaustive list) here's some of what I did: first, I had to open to Love and realize that I didn't understand Love, then I had to desire a relationship with God and feel through the addictions I placed on that relationship: mainly 'save me', then I had to continue to build my desire to be humble (feeling my emotions!), loving and truthful.

I look forward to continuing to: developing my relationship with God, growing on The Way, experimenting with these new feelings, and learning more Truth about it all

Thanks for taking the time to read this,
Sage

[Sage]

Hello again, I thought it might be of some interest to others to hear how things are now. It is surprising to me, confusing and reaffirming at the same time. I am surprised that the feeling of being loved and accepted is not enough to motivate me to feel through my emotions. I am confused because as I was experiencing the Divine Love flowing into me I was so hopeful and inspired and now, although there is a change, those emotions are not present inside of me yet. It is reaffirming because I know I am the only one who can choose to and actually feel all of these injuries, errors and blocks within me, a part of me (the addictive, avoiding self responsibility part) wished that God's Love would just take that all away, but I know it doesn't work that way.

I am coming up against strong resistance in almost every area, a stubborn and deep rooted feeling of "I don't want to . . ." feel that emotion. I know that it is only I who can choose to feel those resistive feelings, build my will and desire and create time and space for that to happen, I just really don't want to right now. That's the shocker, after this amazing experience yesterday being so affirming of God and of God's Love I still choose to honour fear. This is something that I will work thorough with God's help, but for now, unfortunately, I'm choosing to be stuck.

[Angharad]

Hi Sage,
It's interesting to hear your experience, I can relate to them. I have found myself in similar experiences. I sometimes feel that it is a bit like catching waves, being able to receive Gods love. There is an incredible peak, that sometimes you have just got all the right things in place to be able to catch it (receive) and experience the amazing results,in some part changing you for ever. More often than not I miss the mark and take a tumble down,churning and tossing and disorientated trying to right myself and gasping for air. But we have enough faith in those rare moments to turn around and keep trying.
I have had a handful of experiences I know, without doubt, I have received Gods love. Yet I still find myself back in a place of resistance and having to work all over again on building a relationship with God and working on the 'faith muscle'. I can rationalise that this doesn't make sense, especially when I have truly experienced being parented by God in a way I never knew possible……so why does this not carry me further? My fears must be so strong and my resistance stronger.

I find almost each time I have experienced God's love, I have crashed into a place of frustration. I guess the experience of it highlights how much lack of it I have in my life and then I find myself striving to 'get it right' and attain that again. I find myself overwhelmed by the grief of not having it and then struggle not to fall into the place of self criticism. It was lovely to hear you write about how soft you could be and still progress on this path. I know that is true, It is good to be reminded of that.

The only time I haven't found this pattern is when I was working on opening my heart and releasing fear to love my ex and that experience stayed in an incredible state for a week and dramatically change my loa.

I am finding as I write this, that the wave catching analogy has greater reaches into my life. I am seeing how well my relationship with surfing and 'wave catching' is a reflection of my fears and my relationship with God, to the extent that I have stopped doing it! wow, there is a beautiful mirror for me to look at further here.

I really appreciate you sharing your experiences, Thank you. I have found it incredibly helpful and am interested to hear how it keeps going for you.
My guides have told me it is because I am afraid of seeing myself as I truly am. Being afraid to look clearly in the mirror because of fears of just how awful you might be (feels more aware after receiving God's love) means you cannot see the truth about the good things either.
All the best,
Angharad

[Sage]

Hi Angharad,

It is great to read your reply, I appreciate it. I can relate to that feeling of struggling and am happy to say that it has shifted for me. There is still resistance that I seem to be knee deep in since my experience with God's Love, but the struggle seems to have lessened. I am finding that there are many false beliefs (errors) within me that I have accepted as truth that I need to feel my way through. For me these are primarily (at least right now) about 'being seen', worth, and fear of negative reactions to who I will be when these resistances are gone.

You write:

My fears must be so strong and my resistance stronger.

I can sure relate to this. I am in a process now where I am working on feeling my resistances, but it feels like I am even resistant to that! So, I'm opening up to those feelings, taking the opportunity to stop what I am doing and feel the emotions when they arise, and Trusting God. I know I have been choosing many unloving behaviours to avoid feeling emotions from the past. I have been doing this for decades and it is taking some time to build up the strength and courage to have a sincere desire to feel those emotions. I will keep working through my resistances, build my courage (to face my fears) and working on my relationship with God.

You write:

My guides have told me it is because I am afraid of seeing myself as I truly am.

I feel like the same is true for me. I am afraid to see/be this 'pinnacle of God's creation' and to feel how poorly I have treated this same creation (me), covering her up with suppressed emotions and false beliefs. For me it all cycles back to the very first thought I had when I started to receive God's Love "I am ok as I am", Loved as I am, so I should be able to feel safe in becoming more and more who I am. I am working on the feelings inside of me that resist this idea. I feel that once I can get through these resistances I will be open to truly growing on The Way.

I wish you the best in your progression and would love to hear how things go.

Smiles,
Sage

[Nicky]

Hi guys

Mary has recently shared a really detailed post in another part of the forum, here is a link to the topic:

viewtopic.php?f=21&t=1051

After reading her post, this thread came into mind as being one where there feels to be a level of addiction at play (seeking validation & reassurance).

I feel a lot of what Mary shared in the above thread can be applied here.

Cheers
Nicky

[Angharad]

Thanks Nicky,
Mary's post has been really useful today. I can highly recommend it for others.
Angharad

[Sage]

Hi all,

I feel confused and will need to spend some time feeling my way through that confusion. I (thought I) posted here as a way to stretch myself and push though my fear of being open and vulnerable, as well from as a desire to hear more of what other people are experiencing and trying to offer what I would also like to receive. And, I see how I may be seeking reassurance and/or validation and/or fulfilling some other addiction, but that is something I will need to spend some time with to feel the truth of it.

Thank you Nicky for the feedback and the link.