Hi
Posted: Thu Aug 27, 2015 3:09 pm
My name is Niky, 33, in a relationship, work as a nurse, have a dog, a cat, a cat in spirit, live with mom and sister.
After high school, I pondered about my future... let's see... go to college, get a degree, fall in love, get married, have kids, grow old while children repeat the cycle. At that moment, I felt I was bored of life already. I went with the flow anyway, been through a lot, learned a lot, always kept an open mind, and think outside of the box. Became aware of how ugly this world is.
Was depressed in college with several breakdowns. After graduating, getting a job, I finally moved into my own space with time to myself. Things began to spiral, I started to feel things, restlessness. I could imagine/picture myself having everything I wanted, and saw myself still dissatisfied with life. I questioned life, the world, systems, everything, God. Somehow, I felt that there was more to it than we believe, had a hunch that God intended for better things if God was a loving Being, while still unsure of God's existence.
I tried the positive thinking LoA for a while, experimented with some "spiritual" stuff. Then I realized that the happy did not feel real enough for me, and others who acted "happy" were not real enough to me. There's deep sadness I recognized that cannot be pretended away. Plus other stuff about life. I felt almost hopeless, but I was driven to keep looking, as the other option was to be bored with monotonous mundane life. Then in the most random unexpected internet places, that's when I found AJ.
So here I am, somewhat deep in addictions of somehow having a very busy LoA . Thank you Nicky for creating this space!
By the way, I think I might have mild aspergers. And am more of a what they would call an introvert.
After high school, I pondered about my future... let's see... go to college, get a degree, fall in love, get married, have kids, grow old while children repeat the cycle. At that moment, I felt I was bored of life already. I went with the flow anyway, been through a lot, learned a lot, always kept an open mind, and think outside of the box. Became aware of how ugly this world is.
Was depressed in college with several breakdowns. After graduating, getting a job, I finally moved into my own space with time to myself. Things began to spiral, I started to feel things, restlessness. I could imagine/picture myself having everything I wanted, and saw myself still dissatisfied with life. I questioned life, the world, systems, everything, God. Somehow, I felt that there was more to it than we believe, had a hunch that God intended for better things if God was a loving Being, while still unsure of God's existence.
I tried the positive thinking LoA for a while, experimented with some "spiritual" stuff. Then I realized that the happy did not feel real enough for me, and others who acted "happy" were not real enough to me. There's deep sadness I recognized that cannot be pretended away. Plus other stuff about life. I felt almost hopeless, but I was driven to keep looking, as the other option was to be bored with monotonous mundane life. Then in the most random unexpected internet places, that's when I found AJ.
So here I am, somewhat deep in addictions of somehow having a very busy LoA . Thank you Nicky for creating this space!
By the way, I think I might have mild aspergers. And am more of a what they would call an introvert.