Introducing myself
Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 6:06 am
Hi, my name is Sheryl and I've just joined this group, very late/early am. Couldn't sleep and wanted to look over your site Nicky and see what my sister posted. Couldn't find her so I cruised about and I am very much in awe as to what you are trying to do here. Thank you for the great time and effort in producing this project. I'm hoping I'm posting correctly my introduction here in the correct area.
I guess I have been on the spiritual path since around five years old when I used to pray for protection from the dark and the spirits or a spirit that visited me. I also had many dreams of being burned at the stake from the feet up and being in a white operating room on an operating table. I really didn't and still do not understand those dream experiences.
I was indoctrinated into the Catholic faith by my mother and went to a Catholic school until the end of my seventh grade, about eleven or twelve, when my parents divorced. My dad was an atheist, mathematician, and alcoholic. My parents met at Berkeley University. My mom was studying art.
I used to hear what I referred to then, "The Voice of God," talking to me as a kid, once when I was being harmful to a cat. The "Voice," beautiful and gentle, unlike my parents, said, "Sheryl, the cat doesn't like that," and I stopped the behavior immediately. My parents would have screamed, beaten me and shamed me, to where I might have never learned from the experience. But this voice in that one moment changed me by letting me see my behavior from the cat's perspective.
I've had some horrific experiences happen to me, one where I was being choked to death by an older girl, another where my sister and I were stuck on the railroad tracks in the backseat of my uncles car, with a train coming at us and he was laughing in order to abuse his wife, my auntie who was in the front seat. Another experience of running down into the basement of a neighbors house and being inundated by a swarm of termites crawling over me while I was paralyzed in fear screaming. None of these things were acknowledged and talked about in my family.
I've had the opportunity over the years to attend a church service at a Mormon church, Baptist church, Assemblies of God, etc. I've gone on my own and have been through a lot of psychological therapy, 12 step groups, self help books. Taken courses in deep listening techniques with a local spiritual teacher, by the way advised me that an abortion was ok since the growing baby body was only a "robot." Yes, I am a murderess, twice.
Got into the New Age movement and stayed with the Abraham teachings for a long time to where I created a wonderful series of paintings I call "The Bliss," series. I studied Edgar Cayce, the Toltek Agreements, done breathwork, and even attended a Landmark Forum seminar. I am a Reiki I, with symbols. I loved the symbols so much my teacher taught our group how to use some.
My sister introduced my to AJ and the seminars and I've been here since. Sometimes I do some natural love stuff through Christie Marie Sheldon, but it is so close to the divine love path, that I use her methods to access areas of my life I can talk to God about.
I now just talk to God. I visualize that I climb a highchair, like a child, and say the Great Prayer for Divine Love, until I feel my heart open up. I visualize God in both mom and dad form, reaching out to me as I reach out to them. I've set timers on my smart phone for every hour to just connect with them through my heart. I try to "Put God in all things first," and ask often, "Is there a better way to do _____."
I've even done this with silly card games on my ipad. I've won 44 times in a row by asking is there a better way to do this.
I am under no illusions as to where I am, I am still in the hells, and working on increasing my level of Love for myself and others. There are times when this comes so easily and naturally. But lately I've been very stressed out and have been reverting back to a more hateful self. I know I have to work on arrogance, indifference, self loathing, self hatred, anarchy, superiority, and other areas. God, through the Law of Attraction, is working on a big one for me, and I feel I am just not getting it. Clueless, because of the amount of bad stuff happening, I have lost the time to just sit down and, as my sister says, and "Dwell" on the feelings of all the loss of time, money, freedom, etc. that is happening to me right now.
I did feel a little apprehensive to join this forum and share this because of the bad feelings that are going on for me at the moment, that I thought that everyone would feel the anger coming off me. But as I write this now, some tears are showing up. This is good.
I want to become a more loving person; to myself and others. That is the goal.
I also have many questions. I have a scientific mind and discovered in all of this that I am actually kind of smart. I never thought that, just kind of average. I got A's in algebra, recently, and I'm having the desire to study physics, chemistry, biology, and more math. I want to understand fractal mathematics. Or be a channel for higher intelligence to bring ideas to this world. I had a dream recently of being in a city, it was daytime, I looked up at one of four tall buildings that had rounded spherical domes on the top, this one had what looked like one of those florescent light bulbs that twisted up into the sky and back down into the bulb part. It appeared to be a power plant of some type maybe getting energy from the sun.
I like what is going on in this forum. It feels more honest and I am, baby step, by baby step, becoming more truthful and open to sharing. I would love to hear of the actual experiences of receiving Gods Love into the body, from yourself or others, as I have had this happen twice since consciously being on this path. It used to happen in the past but I had no idea that it was called "Receiving God's Love." Also, is there a "Law of Allowing?" Where people just let you be who you are without trying to change you or shame you into fitting in.
I thank you for your gift of time and my apologies for this being so long worded. - Sheryl
I guess I have been on the spiritual path since around five years old when I used to pray for protection from the dark and the spirits or a spirit that visited me. I also had many dreams of being burned at the stake from the feet up and being in a white operating room on an operating table. I really didn't and still do not understand those dream experiences.
I was indoctrinated into the Catholic faith by my mother and went to a Catholic school until the end of my seventh grade, about eleven or twelve, when my parents divorced. My dad was an atheist, mathematician, and alcoholic. My parents met at Berkeley University. My mom was studying art.
I used to hear what I referred to then, "The Voice of God," talking to me as a kid, once when I was being harmful to a cat. The "Voice," beautiful and gentle, unlike my parents, said, "Sheryl, the cat doesn't like that," and I stopped the behavior immediately. My parents would have screamed, beaten me and shamed me, to where I might have never learned from the experience. But this voice in that one moment changed me by letting me see my behavior from the cat's perspective.
I've had some horrific experiences happen to me, one where I was being choked to death by an older girl, another where my sister and I were stuck on the railroad tracks in the backseat of my uncles car, with a train coming at us and he was laughing in order to abuse his wife, my auntie who was in the front seat. Another experience of running down into the basement of a neighbors house and being inundated by a swarm of termites crawling over me while I was paralyzed in fear screaming. None of these things were acknowledged and talked about in my family.
I've had the opportunity over the years to attend a church service at a Mormon church, Baptist church, Assemblies of God, etc. I've gone on my own and have been through a lot of psychological therapy, 12 step groups, self help books. Taken courses in deep listening techniques with a local spiritual teacher, by the way advised me that an abortion was ok since the growing baby body was only a "robot." Yes, I am a murderess, twice.
Got into the New Age movement and stayed with the Abraham teachings for a long time to where I created a wonderful series of paintings I call "The Bliss," series. I studied Edgar Cayce, the Toltek Agreements, done breathwork, and even attended a Landmark Forum seminar. I am a Reiki I, with symbols. I loved the symbols so much my teacher taught our group how to use some.
My sister introduced my to AJ and the seminars and I've been here since. Sometimes I do some natural love stuff through Christie Marie Sheldon, but it is so close to the divine love path, that I use her methods to access areas of my life I can talk to God about.
I now just talk to God. I visualize that I climb a highchair, like a child, and say the Great Prayer for Divine Love, until I feel my heart open up. I visualize God in both mom and dad form, reaching out to me as I reach out to them. I've set timers on my smart phone for every hour to just connect with them through my heart. I try to "Put God in all things first," and ask often, "Is there a better way to do _____."
I've even done this with silly card games on my ipad. I've won 44 times in a row by asking is there a better way to do this.
I am under no illusions as to where I am, I am still in the hells, and working on increasing my level of Love for myself and others. There are times when this comes so easily and naturally. But lately I've been very stressed out and have been reverting back to a more hateful self. I know I have to work on arrogance, indifference, self loathing, self hatred, anarchy, superiority, and other areas. God, through the Law of Attraction, is working on a big one for me, and I feel I am just not getting it. Clueless, because of the amount of bad stuff happening, I have lost the time to just sit down and, as my sister says, and "Dwell" on the feelings of all the loss of time, money, freedom, etc. that is happening to me right now.
I did feel a little apprehensive to join this forum and share this because of the bad feelings that are going on for me at the moment, that I thought that everyone would feel the anger coming off me. But as I write this now, some tears are showing up. This is good.
I want to become a more loving person; to myself and others. That is the goal.
I also have many questions. I have a scientific mind and discovered in all of this that I am actually kind of smart. I never thought that, just kind of average. I got A's in algebra, recently, and I'm having the desire to study physics, chemistry, biology, and more math. I want to understand fractal mathematics. Or be a channel for higher intelligence to bring ideas to this world. I had a dream recently of being in a city, it was daytime, I looked up at one of four tall buildings that had rounded spherical domes on the top, this one had what looked like one of those florescent light bulbs that twisted up into the sky and back down into the bulb part. It appeared to be a power plant of some type maybe getting energy from the sun.
I like what is going on in this forum. It feels more honest and I am, baby step, by baby step, becoming more truthful and open to sharing. I would love to hear of the actual experiences of receiving Gods Love into the body, from yourself or others, as I have had this happen twice since consciously being on this path. It used to happen in the past but I had no idea that it was called "Receiving God's Love." Also, is there a "Law of Allowing?" Where people just let you be who you are without trying to change you or shame you into fitting in.
I thank you for your gift of time and my apologies for this being so long worded. - Sheryl