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I have been listening to Jesus and Mary for about 18 months now and have started processing emotions (used to be a rock).
Sometimes (a lot of the times) when I feel badly and at least I think I want to feel the emotion - I will begin rocking and I want to sit against a wall so I can hit my head on it - I also want to hit myself. I start to feel like I am so grotesque I should hide myself and don't deserve to live - my thoughts will spiral out of control. I do pray while this is happening but because of the feelings I have to hurt myself - I stop (I am not suicidal and I know hurting myself is not loving).
Intellectually I tell myself that the depth of this pain and the feelings of "I am grotesque and don't deserve to live" - just don't make sense to me. I know I haven't been the best person, but these feelings are over the top.
I have thought that I could be trying to process emotions given to me by my mother - she was raised in England during the 2nd world war - she was born with crocked legs and crosses eyes. Her father sexually, verbally and physically abused her - the emotions I am feeling seem more like they would be hers.
Or could they be spirit attack? I have felt attacked in dreams, but am not yet aware of them in my waking state.
I also suppose this could be one very big way I have of avoiding my own feelings? Maybe I am just not being humble? I did read Mary's blog about spirit attack and that is what has prompted me to ask. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Thank you.

Hi Lruleone,

I haven't worked through all my fears which invite spirits to attack me but I can relate to your feelings about yourself. I have spent my whole life attacking myself and then I was (am) angry with and blame people and spirits when they do the same thing. If your mother had unhealed emotions you will have all or some of these emotions in you now and will need to feel them yourself. You not seeing that you have the injuries from your mother is also a doorway for the spirit influence. This is covered in many talks, and I'm sorry but I don't have people's capacity to recommend the right talk maybe someone else can help there. It does seem like spirits are using your feelings about yourself to compel you towards hurting yourself (by tapping into those feelings in you) and stopping you processing but they are able to do that through you not wanting to feel the emotions at the time.

Maybe if you try walking away from the harm but then stop and ask God to show you what is really going on, God will always answer sincere prayers and if you are not shown you may need to ask why you don't really want to know. For myself this has been a process of many layers and I have often felt I want to know something when I really don't so of course God couldn't show me. I see how much I didn't want to know when I feel and have a realization sometimes years later.

Thank you Elvira,
This is somewhat new to me and I just didn't grasp that spirit influence/attack is a given when we are denying our feelings - like it only happens to some and not others. I still need some clarity there about knowing when the influence is from spirits or if it is just my emotion trying to surface so that I can release it.
I understand now that it really doesn't matter where the pain/emotions comes from I will have to feel them. Just trying to intellectualize maybe or maybe I feel less responsiblity for it. I'm not sure what that feeling is. I can hear Jesus and Mary saying just feel them.
I like your idea about praying to God about what is really happening. I will also pray for more awarenss of spirit influence. I have only just recently started praying consistently and am feeling my faith growing. I do feel I am opening up to receive God's truth and love more everyday.
It still feels very scary, but I know how important it is.
It helps to have someone else's perspective.
Thank you again! Love - Laura

Hi all, I'm Darragh,

Most direct way I deal with this is to challenge the magnitude of perception. What i mean by that is...
I pick a situation and however i feel at that time, i give the feeling a colour and a depth to that colour. for instance, amazon green, because feels green and its rich, dense, noisy, unknown territory, i fear getting lost in it.... etc.

when i get a couple of minutes to myself i will say, Dear God, truth ambassadors, guides and all. I wish to feel the amazon green feeling. That personalises it for me. anyhow as it builds i say "is that all you got?" in so many words, taunting the magnitude of the feeling to give all it had to me. Remember you will never be overwhelmed. I then say "has that feeling any friends to challenge me now". I guess the difficulty for me in the beginning was my addiction to "satisfaction" and "esteem". the moment i would feel a little better, i would think, well that's it now and pat myself on the back! but of course it comes back. I watch and observe it as it happens without consciously interfering in it. To put it another way, I would watch my younger self grieve. the point is that when you have fully felt the feeling, your last observation will be your mother in distress, or a stranger/known person in spirit in distress. You will Know when you get there.