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I first had panic and anxiety attacks when I was 15 years old - there were many unloving events happening in my life at that time. During that time my parents would force me to go places even though I was in terror, they were very angry with me. The panic/anxiety only lasted for about four months.
I forgot all about them until I was about 30 years old. Again there were many unloving events happening in my life and I understand now that I was in heavy addictions. The panic and anxiety came back with a vengeance and at times I could not leave my house.
Understanding there was a cause within myself, I started reading self help and spiritual books - it was then that I started back on my spiritual path (natural love). I know a good percentage of that time I was living in the fear, but I also feel that I did process some of it. There were times I felt the fear and forced myself to do something anyway (similar to what my parents did). There was an expression in one of the books I read that said something like "feel your fear and do it anyway".
My biggest issue was traveling, going to new places, starting new classes - definitely issues of safety and control, fear of judgement, fear of making a mistake. I was able to identify many of the fears. So there were many times when I was in extreme fear - shaking, finding it difficult to breathe and be physically sick - I would imagine Jesus in the passenger seat to give me some comfort. (At times I absolutely should not have been driving)
After finding the Divine Truth and learning more about causal emotions and addictions, I am concerned that even though I felt fear and panic frequently that the fear itself may be a capping emotion. And the actual casual emotion happened at a very young age. I have listened to many of the teachings about fear, but it is unclear to me if fear is ever the causal emotion. I always the the fear was the issue.

This is also the third time I have tried to post this questions - twice before - for whatever reason my post was lost. I wonder if that is spirit influence? Maybe the spirits around me do not want me to know the truth? I know I am having a lot of emotion around the question.

Thank you
Love to you all,

Laura

Hi Laura,

In my experience, I've found that I need to allow myself to fully surrender into feeling my fear (through crying, shaking, getting sick physically, going into fetal position, etc.) before I can drop through to the deeper causal emotion that underlies it, such as grief or shame. I've come to see fear as my resistance to feeling the underlying causal emotion. As with any layer that covers over the causal layer, it needs to be experienced in order to drop through to what's underneath.

I also just heard Mary say (in the Assistance Group #2 talk...can't remember which one: I think it was "Introduction to Addictions") that when we are in panic or anxiety, we're actually not softening to our fear. We're clamping up and saying: 'I can't feel this! I can't feel this!' and no fear is releasing from us.

To my current (limited) understanding, fear is not the causal emotion, but it is often the layer right before we drop into the causal layer.

I hope that may be of help to you.

Also, the talks on Processing Fear and Fear Revisited have been immensely helpful to me, if you haven't yet viewed them: https://youtu.be/cmOBVciqEVc and https://youtu.be/zEoRUJr60oc


Lisa

Hello Lisa,

Thank you for your reply and the links - I will watch them. It saddens me that I spent so many years thinking I was doing the right thing "overcoming my fear" - I never realized there was anything under the fear. I also felt emotions needed to be controlled - they were the enemy. I know I should be glad that I have at least allowed myself to receive truth - but I feel rebellion too. It is amazing how much one truth - even understood intellectually - can expose so much error in me.

Just as an aside - I love science fiction. Grew up watching the original Star Trek, Lost is Space and Battlestar Gallactica and many more. But Star Trek was my favorite. It appears that over the years I have become Mr. Spock when I should have been Captain Kirk.

My best - Laura