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I would so much appreciate some help with this.

I understand that the most important thing for us to do is to feel our feelings.

Sometimes I have lots of thoughts swimming round in my head and they seem to get more and more frightening until my heart rate raises and I feel sick etc.

If I meditate I can calm these down. I really do not want to subdue my feelings - I did that most of my life.

But are these thoughts in my head my feelings or just thoughts in my head? Or could they even be spirit influence? Is it that sometimes these thoughts are creating feelings that actually wouldn't be there without the thoughts in that's came before them? Or could I only really have these thoughts in the first place if I had the matching feelings already within me?

I don't know how to edit a post- I meant to add I am aware that meditating to subdue feelings is not a good thing - it's what is a feeling I don't fully understand.

Hi Jem,

It sounds like a mixture of unhealed injuries, coping techniques and spirit influence is a play and these are each motivations moving you in different (opposing) directions.

For instance, the “thoughts” swimming around in your head that get “more and more frightening” sound like spirits talking to you about things they want you to focus on. Once they get to a certain level of strength of conviction, you hook into them emotionally which connects you to your own terror and your “heart rate raises” and you “feel sick”.

When you meditate to “calm down” (which helps you move out of their current influence emotionally) you do simultaneously avert your law of attraction. Which means you don't use the opportunity to feel the terror the spirits around you are connecting you with through their own agendas.

So, as an example, a nice neighbor recently invited me to “Thanksgiving Dinner”. I had SO much terror about this over the last few weeks. And, much of the terror I felt was prompted/amplified by spirits who are still influencing me and are around me a lot because of unhealed childhood abuse (Thanksgiving was a holiday where my family traveled to New York and my six sisters and I were sexual abused every year by my grandfather).

I usually hide on Thanksgiving (evidence that this is still an injury in my soul). And, this neighbor and her husband remind me a lot of my family when it comes to “external” material success. And so I have a lot of shame and feelings of filth and failure when I even visit briefly with them. Over these past few years, I can see (with the help of these teachings) that these neighbors are really kind (and actually like me and want to be my friends) and I (and the spirits with me) feel terror that is still buried in me when I am around people who have “successful” lives. This was the script my father laid out, everyone must create external lives where no trace of the abuse can be seen by the outside world and this a "strength" my family still employs to "prove" I am crazy (because I am poor) and no abuse ever took place and that they are the authorities in the world because of their material success. So, I feel hopelessly vulnerable and condemned to defenselessness in the face of any abuse “successful” people “might” one day perpetrate against me.

So, in this case, once I said “yes” to her invitation a few weeks back, I knew I would have a lot of fear surface before the event. And it sure did....like my car breaking down four times (the starter went, then the water pump, and the ignition and neutral safety switch, etc.) all which brought my finances down to zero...and I let the spirits around me (who have been relentless) connect me even more to my terror (of being alone, helpless, a total failure in life, etc.) In these precarious circumstances, they were, of course, coming at me harder with more viciousness and terror-provoking statements like, "You are so dark and horrible there is no place deep enough in the hells for a soul as evil as yours. You should just die, you are so old and ugly and now. Because you are so irresponsible, you are going to die and there is no one here to even care about it or bury you or get rid of your things. You have no family, no friends...etc".

I stayed present through these things coming at me, waking up in a stew of terror every day and feeling fear all day long and did not try to get away from these feelings (by canceling dinner). I just felt them before, during and afterwards when I came home last night (the dinner was actually a lot of fun and I made new friends and I could feel that I deserve to be a part of the world, etc. and that I am not all these terrible things these spirits tell me I am). And, this week, too, I began to feel that these things they tell me are really mean. And that I am not a terrible evil person like they say. And I cried about that for the first time in my life. Like, "Why would anyone tell someone they were so evil there was no place dark enough in the hells for them? That I am so dark I need to die and wait for the time when God decides that some souls can be destroyed...and hope to be chosen first?" I mean, these spirits surrounding me must not be very nice...yet I have done what they wanted (stayed small, given up hope, not succeeded with my art, not had love, etc.) all my life.

I hope that helps. Just realize when you start to get “hammered” by spirits, it is an opportunity to see something that is emotionally repressed normally inside of you. Let the terror surface and sit with it more fully. From that seat, you can access a lot of emotions and truths about specific errors from the past that are influencing your life today (otherwise the spirits around you would not be able to “make” your “heart rate rise” and get you to “feel sick”...in fact, they would not even be attracted to you...because you would not have sympathetic emotions/fears/beliefs).

I find it is an ongoing process. And, gradually, these spirits around me who are also terrified (or just hateful and wanting me to hide in shame for my father's crimes eternally) can help me see more fully my own condition until the time when I am free of these injuries. I can do this if I allow myself to not just always conform to their demands without being conscious about the dynamics between us (which is very new terrain for me). Mostly, I have always just followed their commands without recognizing that was what I was doing (avoid life, avoid prosperity, avoid community, avoid connecting to my own desires for happiness, stay small, hide, etc.) I would just take their beliefs/commands/convictions as validation/verification that I should “play it safe” (all without seeing this on a conscious level) and so, I did not do the things/take any actions that would “make” me feel my fears even more full on. Now, I'm stretching beyond the world they ascribe as my only possible fate. And, their fears (and violent rage with me in some cases) will escalate too as I do this. And, I imagine, it is just going to feel kind of creepy and disturbing for a while (to put it mildly).

Jesus mentions meditation can help us connect to these things as well depending on how we use it. So, if you can meditate but not move in the direction of seeking “calm” and “distance” from the things these spirits are trying to convince you are real or things they believe you should be fearing...and go instead in the direction of staying connected to the feelings they provoke and explore them, from that vantage point, you'll begin to see what inside of you connects emotionally with them...and why. And, as you feel those feelings, they will begin to be released from your own soul. And, also, you won't be in conflict with these “attractions” so much and will be able instead to harness them for growth and greater understanding of the injuries remaining in your soul.

I have a ton of things to feel terror-wise as I move out of this "tiny corner of the world"...and there will no doubt be spirits screaming that I should not (for a multitude of their own reasons) through much of this initial change. Spirits who have been surrounding me all my life who have shared my belief that hiding and staying small was the right choice (whether because they are fearful too and think I should always "play it safe" or they think I should because they despise me and think I should be punished and condemned to hell and suffering forever because I somehow deserved my father's, grandfather's and mother's abuse when I was a little girl). Either way, they will surely have emotions that are provoked as I grow. And I have a small but growing faith that, in time, the connections between us will shift.

So, I would go with the emotions and work with the influences to highlight the terror inside of you so that you can see it more fully all the while praying to God to help you do this and to help these errors leave your soul. I think seeing and feeling fully the truth of their existence (our injuries) is our part. And, from there, God will deliver the divine truth to us on the issue at hand if we stay open and long for it (which is much easier to do once we see/feel just how horrific, hurtful and damaging the untruths really are in many cases).

Love,
Maureen

Hi Jem,

Nice to meet you.

I decided to reply to your post because I had very much the same experiences before finding the Divine truth movement.

I often had so much mental chatter going on, (which I now know that I was often surrounded by hoards of spirits that I was communicating with), that I often just wanted some respite or peace from fear of going crazy.

Meditation became a way to regain some of this peace in my life but I soon became addicted to it and felt that it was the only way I could cope with life. Ironically, the peace I found in meditation made me even more sensitive to the chaos I felt in my everyday life without it. Hence I felt I needed even more meditation which in reality became a way to escape the out of control feelings that I didn't want to feel. When I wasn't meditating I felt irritable and angry which I often took out on others and I became more and more miserable, constantly looking for other addictions for relief.

So, personally I would advise anyone against meditation. I have also heard Jesus say that meditation increases a connection with spirits. Mine was already pretty strong so i'm not sure how this applies in my example.

The other thing I have experienced is that i have only ever felt sick if I don't want to feel an emotion. Nausea and vomiting is caused by wanting get rid of an emotion rather than feeling it.

I feel like your fear or at least a feeling of panic is already coming up for you which is AWESOME (I was always angry), so I would pray to God to give you the strength and courage to experience your feeling and take yourself off to a place where you feel comfortable and safe to allow yourself to experience it. Once you have allowed yourself to feel fear a few times you will become more confident and will feel that it is just an emotion and allow it more often.

Initially we have a fear of our fear which blocks us feeling it, these may need to be felt at some point too, e.g. Beliefs that it is not safe to feel my fears, that I might be judged or receive anger, etc.

By the way, I am not in a state of feeling all of my emotions whenever they come up. Feeling that I have to control myself (or dad will smash me) is a block I often need to go into, as well as fears of people's judgement about a man crying, fears of others disapproval of emotions, withdrawl of "love", etc, are constant blocks which I need to revisit. Yesterday was the first time in six years that I allowed a "full throated" expression of a childhood tantrum and my fear of being hurt as a result came up automatically.

It takes time. Love yourself. Be patient. (These are lessons I am constantly being reminded of)

With Love,
Alex.

I will try to do my best to answer your last questions from what I have heard from Jesus about the subject and my own experience. Maybe others can add something that I have missed.

Jesus has said that our thoughts come from our feelings, so if we have a thought then the feeling already exists within us.

That does not mean that all of our thoughts are our own. A spirit may come along and see that we have a particular soul injury which they may wish to manipulate for their own benefit. For example, getting a drinker to have a drink so that they can feel those feelings through the person.
In this way we attract spirits who have the same desires as us (sympathetic attraction). We can be easily influenced if we have emotions that agree with a spirits emotions.

We can also get into co-dependant addiction with spirits where a barter takes place, e.g. Where I have a spirit with me who gives me approval and makes me feel good in order to get something from me, sexual feelings, food, alcohol, etc.

Spirits cannot manipulate or use us if we do not have those injuries.

This is why addictions and their confrontation is often so talked about on this path. While we maintain our addictions there is relative peace with the spirits with us, however once we decide to use our will, grow in love and desire to change and confront addictions, the attack will begin. That's when humility becomes a key thing to develop, to feel the projections and attacks that come at you once you do not want to go to addictions, or to feel what you are missing out from spirits now that you no longer wish to partake in that addiction.

Anyway, there are heaps of talks that Jesus has given where this topic is expounded in full....I feel like I am just parroting that now.

"Positively coping with spirit influence" is one. Any of the talks on fear may also help you.

All the best,
Alex

Hey Maureen,
thanks for generously sharing all those details of your life. I could relate a lot with many of the things you said. It has helped me to reflect with a bit more clarity on things which have been happening in my life.
All my best Elvira

Deleted by Lena as per Jem's request.

Alex and Maureen - Due to my own error the above post has not appeared as it should so may read in a confusing way.

I wrote it on a word doc and copied and pasted it but something seems have gone awry and I don't know how to edit it.

I don't know if someone can delete it?

So it should appear like this:

Hello Maureen and Alex. It's great to meet you... Thank you both so much for giving such full-hearted answers to my question.

I am so grateful to have found this forum. Even the act of posting the question then beginning to reply to your posts seems to be teaching me something. My original post went deep into my own story but the more I wrote it the more I feel the futility of writing it and the necessity of feeling it!

Maureen suffice to say I resonate with so much that you've said, about playing small and hiding and about being the family scapegoat. I also detest, in my case, Christmas as it reminds me of Christmases when I was a child and we used to go to my cousin's house and her dad, my uncle, would abuse me. I often say that my most favourite day of the year is January 1st and it's because Christmas and the New Year are all over and 'normal' life has resumed and that is how it really feels such a lovely relief. I thought I'd dealt with my uncle's abuse but the fact I still feel the same about Christmas for this reason and that I say January 1st is my favourite day of the year shows I haven't, so something else realised from your reply and my response.

Reading of your experiences and your progress is very encouraging for me. Things in general have become very difficult lately, including financially. Tonight I let myself feel some of the fear and panic around that for the first time and afterwards I felt so much better thought there's still a lot more to feel.

This is after having noticed I spend a lot of time knowing I need to feel my fear and hearing about feeling my fear and underlining to myself and even other people the absolute necessity to do so but actually very, very, little time feeling my fears! I feel like I've hoodwinked myself but perhaps the spirits are helping that self-deception along.


Alex yes you are so right it is a feeling of panic that's overriding at the moment. As said above I've let myself feel that tonight. I've been having a symptom lately of a racing heart and that has made me frightened to feel the panic as I get afraid of bringing on a heart attack but tonight I allowed the fear of that to be felt as well. I realise that trying to stop myself feeling the panic in case of heart attack is more likely to give me heart attack!

Your 'full-throated' release sounds marvellous. It will be interesting to see if you notice something changing around you after that. When I was feeling my fear tonight I expected it to be focussed in my solar plexus area but it keep coming from my heart, basically sort of heavy rapid, almost body shaking breathing but then my voice came into it and it was like my voice making noises as I breathed coming from my heart. I also remembered to keep praying to God the whole time and I did feel that helped enormously.

That said, I think I've often very much UNDER estimated the amount of influence spirits have on me. Until I came across the divine truth on the net and listened to AJ I, like most people, didn't even think about the possibility of spirits influencing me - I thought of it in terms of few and far between and as being demon-possessed like in the movies. But now I think I can often tell when they are influencing. Before discovering the divine truth videos, my husband and I used to discuss my 'mood swings' when I get very negative, sad and hopeless and then would even accuse him of things. It was as though a flick had been switched and a familiar old tape was running. I was partly standing outside it as an observer while my mouth ran off with accusations I knew in my heart were not true but at the same time I could not seem to stop myself and in some part of me I felt full of spite and malice toward him, almost like I wanted it to be true. To fight against it felt like someone with a huge concrete block tied to them who had been thrown into the sea and they were trying to swim back up; it seemed that much of an effort.

I will relisten to some of the material about fear, starting with your suggestion 'coping with spirit influence'.

I find it quite amusing - I'm a one for problem forums and offering people advice and help. My advice used to be quite variable but nowadays I think I just sound like a broken record as the answer to more or every issue is the same - Feel Your Feelings!

Love and thank you, Jem

Hi Jem and Maureen,

I have a desire at present to see more about my arrogance at present and receive more of God's truth to a degree and I feel that there may have been some arrogance within me in replying to your post.

I feel I was attracted to it because I had a lot of experience with meditation and felt I knew better than most people regarding its use and abuse and felt I knew exactly what you were going through. Hence my strong advice on stopping meditation. I saw after my reply that Maureen's quoting of Jesus regarding the use of meditation was different to mine, but felt I knew best anyway.

My guides are showing me at present that we can only ever see a part of any situation,(especially in our current condition) and that often we think we see or know all of it having seen only a bit. The truth is none of us can ever know everything simply because we are not God. Even Jesus, the most developed soul in history, is still to discover more of God and his plans for us.

I apologise if I came across as having the definite answer on a subject when there could be more that I may not Know and whether my actions may have impacted on your will. I got the truth this morning that God doesn't mind if we don't know a single thing as that way he can teach us, but not much can be done with someone who thinks they know it all as they are not open to God's truth or the possibility of change. I am beginning to feel that I don't want to be in that place any more.

I am looking at whether I projected arrogance in any other way but cannot see anything else at present. I want to thank Nicky and Mary for giving me the opportunity to see myself before striking me out and ask that they feel free to give any feedback on stuff I may not be seeing.

Anyway, I am glad that you were able to connect to some of your fear Jem.

All the best,
Alex.

Hi Alex,

Thank you - I truly did not see anything arrogant in your post, just a difference of opinion about the meditation. If there was arrogance there I truly didn't detect it but then I myself don't see my own arrogance on many occasions so I'm not spiritually or emotionally intelligent and sensitive enough to pick it up sometimes in other people. I also fall into the trap of feeling in certain situations and with certain people that I must be all knowing and wise, something I also need to look at more.

I fell into it in a huge way years back when I had some success with tarot reading. When I would be in a certain 'state' my advice would be very different to 'me' giving advice, apparently much more wise. I enjoyed it at first but then it became a huge burden to feel I ought to know absolutely every answer to every problem!! Someone once said to me 'you don't have to solve everyone's problems you know' and it really struck home except I later saw I wasn't really trying to solve problems just inflate myself and control people and probably to avoid looking at my own life.

On the other note I am doing quite well feeling my emotions as they happen - something feels like it's changing and I'm turning a corner, all since my last post on this thread. I won't expand on that at the moment except to say my inward sense of my emotions, where I'm hold them in my body and what emotion it is seems to be improving. I've also noticed how very quickly I ricochet away to avoid an uncomfortable feeling and focus on something else, almost undetectable it's so subtle but I'm catching them now.

Thank you, again and all the best, Jem