Is it unloving to date if it's not your soulmate?
Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2015 6:19 am
I haven't dated since I discovered Divine Truth over 2 years ago. Before that I seemed to only attract guys who wanted "open relationships" or, if not, guys who were crazy for me but for whom I didn't have strong feelings. For many years I had resigned to the belief that I was a "damaged" person, and I decided that the best I could hope for was to make the most of these fleeting periods of "love" - that I couldn't really ask or expect more. After at least 5 years of alternating between being single and jumping into these strange, short, uncommitted relationships, I was sick of it. I discovered Divine Truth exactly at that time (Sept 2013) and have since been working on uncovering my emotions and getting to know myself better.
Suddenly, for about 2 months now, men who seem interesting and attractive have begun to approach me in lovely ways. For a variety of reasons there's been no follow-up with any, but I realize now that I feel quite ready to try and enter into the type of relationship I would really want. I don't want to grasp at straws. I want to try my hand at a truly loving relationship with good communication and honesty. I feel frightened to be myself and be truly intimate with someone, but I've also been starting to feel like there's only so much growth I can do from my guarded ivory tower. I have a lot of fear about being abandoned, seen as unworthy or undesirable, but this desire to "get out there" has begun to boil over.
So, here is my question: Would it be unloving to enter into a relationship if I have a strong feeling that the other is not my soulmate? I was recently asked out by a man who I find smart, kind, interesting, attractive, sensitive and engaging, but he is much younger than me. (I am often approached by men 10 or 15 years younger - they are often surprised to learn my age - 48). I love the idea that he COULD be my soulmate, but I have the feeling he's not. I feel this way in part because I've always suspected my soulmate is a former boyfriend who I dated in my 20s. The problem there is that I no longer have any romantic feelings for that former boyfriend. We have remained friends all these years, but I can only see him as a brother now, not a romantic interest, and I don't feel inspired to seek his company. I'm also open to the idea that he may not be my soulmate, but it is just a feeling I have that he is.
I want to say "yes" to this new love prospect. I have been telling myself that if we are attracted to each other, and we are not soulmates, the relationship could have the potential of exposing the emotions/addictions/injuries that cause us to be attracted - and that this might be the best way to get at the truth that will lead us closer to our respective soulmates. And of course I would never rule out that he might even be my soul mate - who knows! At the moment, I love that idea. Romantic me says, "why not?" Rational me says, "not likely".
Any thoughts?
Suddenly, for about 2 months now, men who seem interesting and attractive have begun to approach me in lovely ways. For a variety of reasons there's been no follow-up with any, but I realize now that I feel quite ready to try and enter into the type of relationship I would really want. I don't want to grasp at straws. I want to try my hand at a truly loving relationship with good communication and honesty. I feel frightened to be myself and be truly intimate with someone, but I've also been starting to feel like there's only so much growth I can do from my guarded ivory tower. I have a lot of fear about being abandoned, seen as unworthy or undesirable, but this desire to "get out there" has begun to boil over.
So, here is my question: Would it be unloving to enter into a relationship if I have a strong feeling that the other is not my soulmate? I was recently asked out by a man who I find smart, kind, interesting, attractive, sensitive and engaging, but he is much younger than me. (I am often approached by men 10 or 15 years younger - they are often surprised to learn my age - 48). I love the idea that he COULD be my soulmate, but I have the feeling he's not. I feel this way in part because I've always suspected my soulmate is a former boyfriend who I dated in my 20s. The problem there is that I no longer have any romantic feelings for that former boyfriend. We have remained friends all these years, but I can only see him as a brother now, not a romantic interest, and I don't feel inspired to seek his company. I'm also open to the idea that he may not be my soulmate, but it is just a feeling I have that he is.
I want to say "yes" to this new love prospect. I have been telling myself that if we are attracted to each other, and we are not soulmates, the relationship could have the potential of exposing the emotions/addictions/injuries that cause us to be attracted - and that this might be the best way to get at the truth that will lead us closer to our respective soulmates. And of course I would never rule out that he might even be my soul mate - who knows! At the moment, I love that idea. Romantic me says, "why not?" Rational me says, "not likely".
Any thoughts?