Divine Truth Hub Forum Board (NOW CLOSED)

Hello,

First off I would like to thank Nicky for the detailed feedback he gave me in my Introduction post. Below is a link to the page:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=712&start=10

I would also like to apologize to Rita for overreacting to the comments she posted doubting my feelings about my possible identity. I picked apart her message for really no other reason than to "call her out" as I was feeling quite defensive and was unwilling to feel first and for that I am sorry, Rita.

I must admit I was a bit fearful of how Nicky was going to respond to the interaction I was engaging in on the thread and avoided feeling about it a majority of the weekend. However, I had the off day from work today and was able to get into some emotions a bit about the projections of judgement I still feel from my family members and how these projections continue to impact my life on a daily basis. I've found that there is definitely still heaps of anger that lay dormant in my soul towards both of my parents. I intend on buying a punching bag tomorrow in order to start really exposing this rage that is underneath my depression at the moment.

After processing for quite a while today I immediately got into an altercation with my Mother upon her return home about me properly taking care of my sister's dog when they aren't home. It's an interesting law of attraction for me that tells me whenever I am in a heightened 'feeling state' it automatically triggers my parents fear and the smallest exposition of their behavior will escalate into an angry backlash. I have justified living here (at my Mom's) for a while because she seems to accept my beliefs and needing to process so long as I don't involve her. I am starting to realize that it is pretty unrealistic to really engage in this path fully in the midsts of someone so closed down to truth as there is this constant unspoken projection coming from them at all times.

I guess lately I have felt so overwhelmed intellectually about all the things going on my life and there is this part of me that just wants to feel it all at once and be done with it. Fortunately, I am starting to come to an emotional understanding that I must take one thing at a time and I really think the elephant in the room right now is this anger I have towards BOTH of my parents. I have tried to feel these emotions in the past but haven't fully gotten through them yet and I think it is because I haven't taken it to the proper level of anger yet. hence why a punching bag will be my next purchase!


Thanks,

Mike

Hi Mike

There are a number of things you are currently skipping over and you are making choices to be unloving, particularly to others. These include the following:

1. You feel it is okay to attack another (Rita) when they disagree with you or challenge your addictions.

2. Facade and insincerity. You ‘apologise’ when you are not yet sorry (to Rita). When you attacked Rita you felt justified to do so, you even state your unloving intention of wanting to ‘call her out’ this is nasty Mike and you knew you were doing it which is calculated.

3. This feeling of justified anger is demonstrated again in this post towards your mum when you feel she are being unloving to you (re dog sitting) when actually you are being unloving to her in this example (more below).

4. Manipulation tactics in order to get others ‘onside’, agree with you in your attack upon others.

5. You are choosing to not take self responsibility for your emotions and current living conditions, wanting to blame your mum and draw others in to ‘agree’ with you that your mum is in the ‘wrong’.

Re the dog situation.

You are not taking personal responsibility for the choices you are making.

Right now you are living with your mum when you don’t have to be. This is a gift she is giving you. You are a guest in her house so her rules apply. If you don’t like the rules leave. You are old enough to have your own place and be supporting yourself. There is a reason you are living with your mother and because you are if she has asked you to look after the dog in a certain way and not to involve her in your emotional processing then I would respect that because you are staying in HER house. If it was your house it would be different. She has been honest with you in wanting nothing to do with your beliefs and you need to ask why you are so upset about this? You can move out at any time.

As children we each have childhood injuries that were created by our parents that harmed us. BUT at some point we need to stop blaming them and get on with healing and seeing the truth of what has happened to us and how us not taking personal responsibility creates more harm, both to ourselves and others.

God made it possible to heal without needing our parents to do so first, isn’t that a wonderful thing?

You state that you are angry with your parents, good to be honest, but beware of justifying your rage and living in it. In this example it feels like you are having a tantrum and wanting to rebel against your mum rather than feeling the real feelings.

I suggest responsibly feeling your rage because if you don’t it is going to attract events that are going to be unpleasant and you are likely to get volatile and harmful in acting out of your rage if you don’t feel it and find out what is underneath it. If you continue to project your rage rather than feeling the causes of it you will end up harming yourself and others further (which you have already done with Rita).

You can’t change others but you can change you. The question is do you want to? At the moment it feels like you want them to change and agree with you.

You say:

I am starting to realize that it is pretty unrealistic to really engage in this path fully in the midst of someone so closed down to truth as there is this constant unspoken projection coming from them at all times.

Mike this is an arrogant comment. You are stating that you are better than your mother when you are actually doing the same thing to her at this moment - you are closed down to Truth of what you are doing and you are projecting at your mum, you also did this to Rita and I suspect to most people who don’t agree with you. You are also trying to manipulate others by publicly bringing them into your emotional process on this issue. I suggest you are looking for commiseration and others to agree with you and ‘side against’ others.

God does not condone unloving treatment of anyone no matter what they have done. One of the Principles of Divine Truth, is to grow into a state to love as God Loves, both ourselves and others.

I suggest looking at the Partner Relationship series FAQ’s (apply the principles it to all relationships).

https://www.youtube.com/user/divinetrut ... lationship

Ethics and Morality

https://www.youtube.com/user/WizardShak ... d+morality

Law of Compensation, Forgiveness, Repentance and Prayer

http://forum.divinetruthhub.com/viewtop ... f=49&t=901

Regardless of how your mother has treated you in the past, you are responsible for your own choices now and how you act and react. If you really want to love you have an opportunity to do so here. You can feel your own feelings truthfully rather than taking them out upon others, or projecting them at others.

You also have an opportunity at this time to heal a lot of things with your mother. If you are serious about change you may want to contemplate the choices you are making at this time.


All the best

Eloisa