Hello reader,
If you have followed my blog or YouTube channel over the past few years, you may have noticed that I have not been active in publishing material since October of last year. There have been many reasons for this, which I will begin to address in this post, which has been long overdue. WARNING: This might be a bit of a lengthy post – I just want to let you know before you read further!
Padgett Messages App, feedback & reflections
In my last post that I published in October, I shared with you that I was in the process of creating a Padgett Messages mobile app alongside Perry & Kate. The project was halted towards the back end of November last year after feedback that Kate, Perry and myself received from Jesus & Mary concerning unloving dynamics that were going on between the three of us, but more specifically how my own & Perry’s demands were negatively affecting Kate. It was also brought firmly to my attention, the unloving attitudes I had which were driving my demands and behaviour, which also made the project more of a “taking” rather than a true giving or gifting to others.
I would like to share with you the feedback I personally had received regarding the project as I feel that the issues raised may apply to many people wishing to create gifts to assist in the growth of Divine Truth on the planet, and principles which can be applied to all creation based projects no matter the subject and content. I have copied and pasted the feedback below, and just taken out the bits which apply to others.
– Money Issues
Your motivation behind the project is to make money and avoid your panic about running out of money.
This is not a loving intention and demonstrates that you are not motivated to simply give a gift to others (which is the motivation that has always driven Jesus).
It also means that you are not going to work through your injuries about money while you are actively trying to avoid them through the project.
– Desire for approval
This is a big motivator for you and yes, I agree you still want recognition from Jesus and I in regards to what you do.
This is one of the addictions exposed in you when you came out to Australia and you have not yet let go of it.
– Willingness to skip over unloving attitudes and behaviours
While you brought up the issues of demands in others, you didn’t do anything more about it. Clearly meeting your addictions was more important than love in this case.
The loving thing would have been to halt work on the project while anyone had an unloving attitude that they were unwilling to address.
– Lack of value of Kate
It was never established with Kate how many, or if any, donations coming from the project would be distributed and if she would be included. There was not an agreement made about ownership over her work or the intellectual property involved.
You were also apparently willing to pay another developer far more money that you were Kate. This displays a lack of regard for Kate and a lack of ethical approach to the project.
You think that you were ‘paying’ Kate for her services when if she was really charging you a professional rate for the work she has done, the costs involved would have amounted to far more. You have treated your ‘donation’ as a way to obtain free labour.
Also, you have the injury of being happy for women to do the stuff that you don’t like doing. You feel entitled to this and this means you are aren’t appreciative of the time, effort and care any woman puts into something that you have already deemed to be ‘her job’.
Kate is actually having a harder time with the work because she feels stressed by your demands and unappreciated.
Additionally, you are not respecting that her primary work (which we also pay her for) is to develop programming for Divine Truth.
Your app is supposed to be designed to support the sharing of Divine Truth worldwide but at the moment your addictions are actually acting to diminish our capabilities in the creation and sharing Divine Truth efficiently.
Following the feedback I received, I asked Mary on the best way to proceed, and she wrote back to me with a set of moral and ethical questions and principles for consideration:
1. Ethics
– Why didn’t you consider and decide how you would deal with how you would proceed if issues of love were to arise during work on the project before you started any work on it?
– Why didn’t you decide how you would deal with and distribute workload, donations and intellectual property to do with the project before you commenced work on it?
– Why didn’t you discuss the ethical approach to the project before you started?
2. Morality
– If you had a pure intention to give a gift to others via the app (that is, if you didn’t have any personal investment in gaining something from its completion) how do you think you would approach the entire future of the project from now on?
– If you really wish for the app to be a service that gifts Divine Truth to the world, would you want any ownership over it whatsoever?
– Why haven’t you considered who is in the best condition to proceed with the project and offered it to them?
As of today, the project is still postponed, mainly I feel due to my own issues that I’m yet to work through, and also the busier schedule and priorities Kate now has in her volunteering for Divine Truth and God’s Way. I received one donation from one person before the project was halted, and that donation I amalgamated with my own funds to Kate which contributed towards her living expenses, so I’d just like to thank that person for their donation. I’d also like to say here that Jesus himself had the idea to create a similar kind of app many years back. Perry had received the idea as a result of this hence where the project originated from.
I do hope one day the project can come back to life, whether I am involved in it or not as I really do feel the world would benefit from having such an app, or similar platform for people to not only interact with the Padgett Messages in a different way, but also tons of other Divine Truth related material, which is just priceless – as I am beginning to realise you just cannot put a price on your soul, God’s Truth, and the material continually being created by Jesus & Mary and others solely for the benefit of others. The ironic thing is I did put a price on this from a physical and emotional perspective when working on the project beforehand as you can clearly see from the feedback, and I still have repentance to work my way through concerning this.
The reality also is, I have put a price (monetarily and non-monetarily) and ransom on my own soul and the soul’s of others my entire life. Wanting my parents and others to look after me physically and emotionally past the age I was more than capable to look after myself, “wanting to still nurse on my mother’s breast” as Jesus plainly put to me in the car journey to Brisbane Airport in January of last year, the imagery his comment triggered in my mind probably staying with me forever (laughing, but not laughing if you know what I mean). But also, all of those minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years I worked in jobs I absolutely couldn’t bear just to placate my own fear to feed the illusion of security and safety. The fear still remains, and it’s smell still lingers deep in my soul like the smell of a dirty, well-worn pair of socks left out following a day working hard in the sun. It really is just an illusion, one I am still finding hard to see past, and it’s not just related to money, it’s related to everything. But what is the cost of all of this? Putting a price on others and myself? Freedom being one of those things, I suspect.
Again, I absolutely must thank Jesus & Mary for their feedback, at this point probably from a more selfish perspective than anything else for them helping me not to rack up more damage to myself and others who would have been affected by these injuries in me, due to my own avoidance in addressing it. It has shown me again, more clearly then ever that having desire to act in your passion is a great and important thing to do, but it’s a totally different beast following those desires and being humble to purifying correction coming at you from all angles through God, God’s Laws and others in a higher condition of love who can see things that we cannot yet see. This is something I have struggled with time, and time, and time again. I’ve struggled to allow myself to see my current flaws, desperately (and I mean desperately) wanting myself to be the finished product before I have even made a basic prototype. We really cannot be made to see something that we ourselves don’t yet wish to see, even if it’s right in front of us.
Jesus once said to a group of us in January 2017 that we each have learner plates put on us by God, and they cannot be removed until we learn crucial lessons relating to love and self-responsibility, as without them we would be a hazard not only to ourselves, but to others. I have to let myself accept that, something again I really have struggled to come to terms with. But I really do feel in my heart that the being who has fastened those plates so securely onto my soul cares for me. That he knows what is best for me and for others. I see nothing but open road ahead of me, to keep speeding off into the distance which I am so eager to do ALL of the time without looking in my rear view mirror and seeing the trail of destruction I have left in my wake. However, that open road that I am free to drive down is perilous, and littered with danger. He can see the crash and the negative consequences to everyone involved before it happens, or probably more accurate to say, before the ignition was even started. He is patiently waiting for me to take a look, just to take a simple glance in that mirror and press those brakes with my own two feet. He needs me to stop and see the wreckage for myself before he can teach me where I went wrong and to help me clean it all up.
I’m sat here today, and can report to you all that my learner plates are still firmly in place. I have since taken a few glances in that highly reflective rear view mirror, and slowed down, but still hesitant to completely stop for fear of being completely overwhelmed with what I may see – the actions of others before me, and my own. However, the sense in me is growing that to stop completely, and to really open my eyes is the right thing to do, no matter what I see. I’ve crashed spectacularly numerous times in the past 4 years, much of the time in clear sight for others to see, many whom I do not yet know. However, I am still breathing and I am still alive, and more importantly I still have opportunities to change my route and destination for my own sake and the sake of other pedestrians who are close by, and who may pass by my way later down the road.
I’d also like to share with you all that looking back over that period with the app project, I can say with absolute certainty that I did feel the conscience pricking at me before I received the feedback from J&M about my unloving attitudes and behaviours in the project, along with my spirit friend’s feelings about it. However, the soft, gentle voice I could “hear,” I deliberately ignored. I chose to be unloving, when I had the option to do otherwise. I cannot tell you that I wasn’t aware of these things, because I was. Oh, the power, or should I say the flawed power of denial and our addictions, as they don’t really have power, they just add to the weight of the load we are yet to relinquish.
Jesus shared that there is a lot of potential for the project and it’s completed product, for God’s Truth if done in harmony with love to be easily and widely distributed worldwide, particularly to those in countries who have less resources as a result of countries such as my own who have taken advantage of them, which I’m starting to see is driven by a lot of fear, entitlement and superiority. I don’t know about you but I think being able to distribute such a gift would be awesome. I love the prospect and thought of this more than anything, but the personal emotional work I must go through to get there has been the truly challenging thing, and one that I haven’t nearly been as enthusiastic about….enthusiastic being the polar opposite of how I actually feel about this. Place one of many suitable adjectives here, (smile). Maybe doing this could loosen those learner plates!
A quote comes to my mind – “The harvest is ripe, yet the labourers are few” – something I feel perfectly applies to myself here. How can I be a labourer when I am still fumbling around in my little shed looking for my tools? Those being faith, desire for truth, desire to love, and humility. I have had the desire to take action as I have gotten myself out of bed, got dressed and laced up my boots for the day’s work ahead, I have acquired half a spade’s worth of faith, but all the other tools to do the job are missing not to mention the other half of the spade, and therefore the harvest cannot begin. I feel that it’s apt of me to end this section with some feedback written to me by Mary which I have directly copied below, as I feel it perfectly sums up what I am imperfectly trying to express:
“It is very easy to have an idea. Jesus and I currently have many ideas about different ways to make Divine Truth more accessible over a range of technologies, in a range of ways. However it is the loving execution of an idea, the willingness to do the work on the project and the desire to do the personal work as our injuries are exposed while we carry out the work, that brings an idea to fruition.”
YouTube Videos
As I have been attempting to grapple with these things that I have been realising about myself, and about the laws of God, I haven’t been able to stomach creating videos for my YouTube channel. It’s not because I cannot do more videos, because I can. It’s more been because until I am willing to completely accept my issues, and be completely honest with myself and others about them, I will continue to create more damage and not be sincere about the things I may speak about. Since January 2017, most of my time has been spent trying to worm my way around these Laws, in literally thousands of different ways, all of which have failed me, to my own exhaustion and misery. I have stung myself in my own butt with hypocrisy one too many times, and I don’t think I can bear to do it again. God’s Laws are most definitely immutable. I can say this to you from having tried to do everything in the book and more in an attempt to circumnavigate them, which I am sure you might also relate to.
I am slowly becoming aware of the fact that if I am not completely honest with myself, I will most definitely be either manipulative, fake, condescending, arrogant, deceitful and sneaky OR a mix of them all with other people as proxy. As I have not, until very recently felt any kind of desire to be more honest with myself, I have had a sense inside that I haven’t been in the right space to make more videos and therefore I have not, which has caused me a lot of pain as I haven’t acted in my desire during this whole time due to my own refusal to be brutally honest with myself. In all of the videos on my channel, and all the things I have done Divine Truth related to this point, I genuinely thought and believed that I was being totally myself and totally honest. Oops, how wrong was I! There is a huge, gaping difference between being truthful with yourself (the person you desperately want yourself to be) and actually being truthful with yourself (the reality of how things are from God’s eyes right now, the good and bad) which I am starting to be cognisant of, and shocked at my own highly skewed perceptions of this fact.
I am still coming to terms with a lot of my facade, and I have already had a multitude of tantrums and anger about these things, with more still to come I’m sure, but I am hoping in the near future to create more videos on the channel. I am also hoping to shoot some videos with my long suffering girl, Becks who has unfortunately bore the brunt of my resistive, sometimes outright mean, numbed out and zombified state. One more thing I’d just like to add is that Becks has been very honest with herself over this period, and I have been fortunate enough to see her demonstrate this quality, which many times I dismissed to my own detriment. We hope to share some of our experiences about this on the channel soon.
Anyway, if you have managed to make it to the end of this obscenely long blog post, I thank you for your time and hope you are doing well wherever you may be in the world.
Love,
Nicky
Becks & I