I think it is appropriate that my first blog post shares with you what I have experienced and learnt since making decisions and taking personal action to chase and live in my real desires and passions.
Before I went to the Australian assistance group last year, I felt as though I understood some of the principles of Divine Truth in my heart to a degree but was not convinced of this and always doubted myself. Following my trip to Australia and the feedback received from Jesus & Mary, I finally felt as though I had made good strides in my progress up to that point in time and I wasn’t just getting ahead of myself thinking that I had made progress when actually, it turned out that I hadn’t. I was relatively new to the whole Divine Truth thing at the time and it was nice to know that these two awesome teachers of “The Way” to God’s Truth & Love felt that I had made some good, early progress which gave me added faith and motivation to continue my ascent.
There are specific causes within me that make me doubt myself regularly and I hesitate on any potential big decisions that I have to make in my life like I am waiting for an illuminated sign to show me the way. After returning to England, I felt in my heart and had a gut instinct as to the decisions I knew I’d have to make in order to continue progressing and developing my relationship with God. I hesitated initially and succumbed to what my fear, and the dark spirits around me were trying to influence me to do. I felt as though a number of the dark spirits that were at the assistance group in Australia followed me back home and I definitely felt the effects of this. I would not say I am mediumistic in the traditional sense of the word as I cannot hear any spirit voices or anything like that, but I could certainly feel their presence trying to influence me in a negative direction and it was very intense at times.
I lived in this state for the 12 months following the assistance group because I simply did not want to confront my fears and allowed these dark spirits to play on my fears and manipulate me. I could feel my guide, David (the best guide ever by the way (smile)) at times in the background, patiently trying to guide me in the direction of Love & Truth the whole time.
I finally came to the realisation that I was only causing myself and the people around me more pain by living in my fears and not exercising my will in the direction of what Love and Truth would dictate me to do. What also pained me to realise was that God’s Law of Compensation was acting on me during this whole period resulting in myself feeling much personal pain in the process which I confess was totally self-inflicted. I also realised that there is absolutely NO EXCUSE to not be truthful and to not honour your own feelings at all times. Fear certainly was by no means a valid excuse. I could feel that the Law of Compensation was just continually chipping away at me, grinding me down to the point where it became unbearable, in fact it is more accurate to say that I was torturing myself emotionally trying to live my old, facadical life as I worked through more emotions and received more of God’s Love.
I understood and could feel the amount of damage I had caused myself and to the people around me who were affected by my passive, fear infested state of living. I am by no means rid of these emotions but now understand to a greater degree how fear works and the terrible effects it has on everything in and around me.
I have also realised that after every action you take in the direction of Love & Truth to confront and challenge your fears, the necessary emotions come up automatically and it is a case of just allowing and experiencing them. I did not have to “try” to get to them by sitting alone in my bedroom like I was attempting to do in my passive, soul destroying state of living. Jesus & Mary say this so many times in many of their videos and I felt as though I understood what they were saying however I am now humble enough to tell you that my previous understanding was merely at an intellectual level.
I am now at a point where I have made the decisions I knew a year ago that I would have to make in order to progress further and to develop my relationship with God to a stronger degree. The big, facade based parts of my life are now gone and I have nothing to fall back on, no hiding places. Emotions are just continually coming up for me and I have now decided it is time that I follow my true desires and passions and try to be the person I was meant to be without listening to what fear would dictate me to do.
I have thrown my life completely into God’s hands remembering the incredibly important aspect of humility which will (hopefully…!) allow me to experience ALL of my emotions regardless of what they are as and when they are triggered. I am extremely excited to see what God has in store for me. I have learnt that you cannot just sit on the perch and intellectually fantasise about how things may be in the future as this just feeds the addiction and suppresses the fear of not wanting taking personal action. In reality, you are just expecting God to do everything for you. To put it bluntly, that will NEVER work and God would NEVER do that. God created us to be way better than that! You could wait forever in that state and NOTHING will change. You have to give God something to work with and that is exactly what I am now trying to do.
Nothing great can ever come from any comfort zones!