God, I am a young, foolish and selfish boy
A child desperately wanting to run before he could walk
Only seeking that which temporarily quelled the rising tides of my pain
That which served me and only me
Not seeing the others caught up, dragged through and drowning in the mire
The tide is now breaching, the sea busting its banks
God, I tire of this fight, of this battle
of the rain that does not wish to relent
My tongue muttered words of love, of truth,
of humility, of forgiveness
Yet these words are exactly that
Just words, merely words
Hollow and shallow
No substance or life
coming from a soul yet to know grace
To know grace and forgiveness
means that I first must see all the errors of my ways
My depravity, my weaknesses, my flaws
The pain I have caused others
Yet how can I seek Your Love and Forgiveness when I refuse to see there is anything to forgive?
The taste of superiority, once relished and longed for
Is a dish that now has become stale, bitter and cold
To realise this in the plain light of day
Brings a horror I know not how to overcome
I cannot turn back the hands of time
How do I repair that which I have broke
And clean up the thousands of shards my eyes cannot even see?
To really know you
I sense that I have to trust, surrender and mourn
Allow the impending flood to pick me up and wash me away
And then afterwards, find my feet
Roll up my sleeves, dig out and excavate
The seeds of corruption that I have wilfully and recklessly sown
God, you know me better than I know myself
I have tarried, and strayed and stumbled
Fallen, I pray you show me your plan for my redemption and salvation
It is a plan I long to see
God, I will walk as far, as wide, as deep and as long as it takes
Just to feel Your Love again
It is the only thing that has ever made sense to me
Sustain me on this journey
I just hope that I am not too late
And that your door remains open for me
If I really am the greatest of your creations as I have heard
please help me recover
help me get rid of this dirt for good
wash me so I can be whiter than snow
You are still but a stranger to me, having only briefly met
Yet those brief encounters were never forgotten by me
I want to walk and talk with you once more
Only this time with more sincerity, more integrity, more graciousness
More love towards all
I don’t feel as though I can do this on my own
God, please walk with me.
